The thing about my turning 70 (which is yes, just a number) is that I find myself taking a closer look at what I have “embodied” throughout my life up until now.
There is what I “think” about the compilation of my experiences and there is what I “feel” about it.
My feelings, compared to my thoughts, provide a very different message.
All feelings become stored in the musculature.
This is what expresses my “posture” towards life.
Intuition is our collective “feeling sense” of things internally and externally.
This “feeling sense” is a natural integration, a kind of gestalt whereby I perceive myself as more than the sum of my parts.
My mind has no difficulty summing up all kinds of interpretations
about how to judge and categorize my actions (and those of others),
about how to rationalize all that I have done and experienced.
But my feelings communicate far more simply, directly, and deeply.
I can feelingly realize how much the patterns of my thoughts have alienated
my heart from my head.
They have kept me adhering to an interpretation of how I am supposed to feel and be.
A map never adequately represents the experience of reality.
It promises a result that ultimately changes when I embark upon the journey.
As I reflect on this and where I have arrived within myself,
I notice a certain kind of vacancy in my body.
It’s like living on the surface of a deep and powerful river.
There is much around me to keep me distracted and busy
but I rarely fall into the depths of the current that is carrying me along.
Only when I sink into the force beneath the surface,
I learn to let go of control and allow myself to be taken
by the art of receptivity and the wisdom of trust.
There are many ideas, theories, beliefs, and teachings that I value and appreciate intellectually but they only represent the outer framework of the house I wish to live and breathe into my Being.
I have been given a body for a reason…that I may have the amazing experience of how matter embodies the truth…how it temporarily holds the guidance I need to fully enjoy the choices I make.
Fear is at the root of disembodiment.
It keeps us in a desperate state of trying to control externally what is beyond our control.
I only have control over how I respond to what I feel and what I do with it.
The physical world is constantly changing. That is its nature.
The nature of physical embodiment is impermanence and it can help us to appreciate how to adapt and embrace change.
When I am afraid, I must embrace it, not for the purpose of holding onto my fear(s) but to fully acknowledge and BE with its energy which allows me to become free of its grip.
To practice this with whatever I feel is to become intimate and respectful with all that is passing through me.
Life will not be denied. It asks us to honor it. Resistance is futile and will only cause more pain and confusion.
So, in moving forward toward a much more fulfilling life,
I am left with the task to feel all that comes up.
To be still, and more loving toward myself.
To be gentle and patient so the truth I need to know can emerge.
To accept that no matter what is going on,
This too, shall pass.
When I take what I feel into my body and have it pass through my heart it will allow me to finally know what it means to be free.
This kind of energetic embodiment reveals a profound interactive harmony,
where I accept my role as a co-creator with All That Is,
and become an alchemist transmuting all my dross into gold, knowing that Love is the unchanging catalyst behind all the unifying principles of transformation.
-TruGuy Starhorse June 17th, 2023
(Image by Evgeni Tcherkasski from Pixabay)