I see myself today
Not the self I am familiar with
Not the self I say I am,
The self-comforting view
shaking before
The fear of seeing more
than what I think I can accept;
All those things that escape my view
That challenges my self-assurance
my pride
my ego’s need for its reflection
to be seen, over and over;
A mirror whose glass is cracked
as I attempt to put the pieces
of this self together
again and again
from a mosaic of broken moments
attempting to be whole in this moment.
But what I see behind it all
is an emptiness-filled
with the call of life itself
before life began;
before any naming took place,
a vacuum whose space needed to be filled
with something
with anything
that filled the aching void of potential
and the possibility of Being myself
where no self exists,
just pieces of fragile form
emerging and dissolving
like water to ice,
vaporizing into clouds
as I pass through the illusions of brevity.
This is the self I see today,
an intangible grasp on the railing
of self-identification
and as insecure as this may seem
my belly warms to the fire
of the central sun;
the promise that I can
always begin again,
from nothing
to everything and back again,
and the confidence
that is born from this
ability to see myself
ever anew, vibrant, resilient
and full of what was before
anything was.
The mystery of it all
carries a precious kind of seed
bestowed and germinating
within each new day
and each new view of myself.
It is this that I delicately hold
as I see myself today.
-Tru Windwalker
Jan. 4, 2024