I will be moving in nine days.As with all things, life is an ongoing experience of attachment and letting go.
I have been identifying many things that I am deciding to release from my life at this time.
Everything from furniture, clothes, books, artwork, and even journals that go back to over 50 years ago.
It’s fascinating to read about the kind of man I was 44 years ago and how even then I was such an insatiable seeker.
The following is a log in one of my journals at that time.
I was 27 years old and had just been introduced to the Gurdjieff Work, which has, to this very day, deeply affected my life.
It was August 21st, 1980…
“Each day as I wake, I ponder my presence. I gaze at this intricate phenomenon of flesh and blood, of mind and emotion, and can’t help but feel distant from this existence I call my own.
I listen to the voice of the trees, the tapping of freshly falling rain, the dancing flight of birds, and the deeply penetrating silence of night. Something deeply mysterious triggers a strong sense of my being a part of and inseparable from a vast and immeasurable dimension, even multiple dimensions.
Something inexplainable wants to partake in a Divine synthesis..to fuse with the Mother of Earth and the Father of Heaven.
When I sense this natural melody of life I am left with an exciting, yet haunting, feeling. Haunting because I do not fully understand this inner movement of the soul and cannot grasp the heart of her rhythm. I am left with a hollow emptiness and an assuring presence of life’s vitality.
When I look into another person’s eyes a great longing to inspire and share this majestic essence overwhelms me. Yet, so many eyes return a look of bluntness; a diverting glance of fear and hesitation, of skepticism and self-centeredness. What adds to my struggle and turmoil with this is that I too become a part of these callus and nervous gazes and feelings, and lose touch with this gentle benevolent spirit that so stirs my being when I am in reflection and meditation. And yet, such moments also bring me deeper insights and lessons that help me to be more compassionate toward others and myself.”
So, this move in nine days is another opportunity to begin again. To see with new eyes. Zen Mind, Beginners Mind. Every cell and muscle in my body carries the vast personal and collective memories that have been lived multi-generationally.
I anticipate and look forward to so much more that is yet to be lived, both here and beyond.
December 11th, 2023
